It's a Sin
by TheResurrectionist
Summary: Chuck Shirley is really tired of Wincest. God doesn't seem to agree with him. Rated T for non graphic wincest, cursing and drunk Chuck. CHAPTER SIX: Becky is annoying. Nuff said. No forest animals were harmed in the writing of this chapter.
1. Chapter 1

It's a Sin  
Starring Chuck Shirley

Chuck wasn't really sure why he was a prophet. It wasn't like God walked up to him one day and asked him if he wanted his head to be mind raped every few hours, seriously.  
Not in the job description.  
It had started out as images of the Winchester's hunts, turning to angels and other things later. It made him feel special. Included, for once in his life. But, since the war had ended, all he got was porn. Every day. Every few hours, gasping for breath as images flashed before his eyes  
Riiiight. Those images.  
He might have been okay with the visions if they were about cool stuff. Like machine guns. Or machetes. Weapons are cool. Not, for example, hot gay incestuous sex.  
Honestly, the twenty four hour porn channel he'd been tuning into lately was more than he could take. He'd begged the angels to take away hiss prophet status. He couldn't take another cry of "Dean!" "Sammy"  
Seriously. He'd tell those guys to get a room if they didn't already have one. In his head.  
At the moment, Chuck Shirley was laying on his couch, watching the latest episode of "Ways the Winchesters can fuck you up more than you already realized"  
In this exciting episode, chocolate syrup made an appearance. Don't ask. Chuck didn't.  
It's not like he hated gay sex. He was pretty sure it was really hot. The first time it happened, he had fallen off his bed in ecstasy.  
But that's not the point.  
When gay porn became your life, you were allowed to call do over, right? Wrong.  
Maybe God thought he was learning something. Maybe he was trying to tell Chuck something. Yeah right. God probably got off on it too.  
Let's see him take it all the time. Not so fun now, huh?  
Sam was -  
Yadayadayasa porn.

It kept his fans happy, so he began the series again, following Sam and Dean over the us as they dutifully killed all the big bad uglies out there in the dark.  
Then of course, they went and had sex for hours straight.  
But he didn't write that in the books, even though Becky wanted him to.  
She still came around to check on him, mostly to persuade him to describe Sam's ass as he-  
Wow. SO not going there. Becky can live in fantasy land.  
Well, he kinda did too. But seriously. It was enough.  
Getting up from the couch once it was over, he stumbled towards the bottle of whiskey on the table. Distant cries could still be heard in his head, and it made him shiver.  
Grabbing the bottle, he proceeded to have the most fucking fantbulous time getting shit faced drunk.

Two hours later, he decided maybe that wasn't a good idea anymore. Drunk and tired, he groaned as the tell tale headache began. The Winchesters were having sex again.  
No. Not cool.  
Grabbing his jacket, he stumbled out the door to his car. He knew the motel they were staying at. It wasn't that far from him, coincidentally. Perfect. He can go tell them to stop screwing like rabbits.


	2. It's a Sin-REALLY?

Sequel: It's a sin

Chuck really wasn't sure what his plan was. At the moment, he was stumbling up the gritty walk of the nite owl motel, staggering towards the only room with the lights still on.  
Bottle of jack in one hand and clutching the tie of his robe in the other, he made his way up the path, ready to stop the most evil thing in the world.  
Wincest.  
He didn't care that Becky thought it was the hottest hong ever. He couldn't sleep at night. He couldn't even go out during the day. This had to stop.  
He knocked on the door.

Sam was having the time of his life. Honestly, he couldn't remember the last time he'd had this much fun.  
Spinning dean on the bed, he laughed wretchedly as dean whimpered in something that wasn't quite pain.  
Leaning forward, he was about to-  
Knock.  
"What the hell?" Dean grumbled.  
Getting up, Sam clutched the sheets to him as he stumbled towards the door. Looking through the keyhole, it was probably the last person he'd expected.  
"Chuck?" he gasped opening the door.  
Chuck looked terrible, wearing only a bathrobe and some ugly yoga pants. He clutched a bottle of whiskey in one hand and glared up at Sam with red, bloodshot eyes.  
"You need to stop it." he said, eerily echoing cas' previous words.  
"What?" asked Sam and Dean at the same time.  
"The sex! I can't fucking SLEEP at night!"  
Oh. OH.  
Dean got up. "Uh, chuck. I don't see that happening any time soon..."  
Chuck looked devastated. "but...you have to! I can't deal with this! All I see is you two, fucking fucking FUCKING!" he shrieked, startling Sam.  
"Whoa, calm down Chuck. It's okay."  
Chuck was trembling, eyes filling up with tears as he clutched his bottle to his chest.  
"I..." he said, eyes suddenly going wide as the room started to shake.  
"What the hell?" asked Sam.  
"Son of a Bitch!" yelled Dean as the walls started to crumble.  
A white light flashed onto both brothers, then to Chuck.  
"Chuck." a deep, disembodied voice grumbled.  
"God?" he asked, shocked.  
"Yes. I understand you came here to discourage the winchester's night time activities?"  
Chuck paled, suddenly sober. "Yes."  
"I don't want that." God said. "it's the hottest thing ever, and you need to respect that. Alright?"  
Chuck nodded, dazed.  
"Good." God grumbled. "Carry on, Winchesters. Heaven is watching."  
A flash went through the room, ending all other thoughts and hurdling Chuck all the way back to his apartment.


	3. Chapter 3

A/N Surprise Update! Wish me luck and tell me what you think!

Chuck found himself back in his apartment, the faint smell of ozone and yes, _sex_ filling the air.

His head hurt terribly, and all the alcohol he'd ingested probably wasn't helping.

Ugh. Stupid Winchesters. It was all their freaking fault.

What was it with their need to have sex every few hours? Did these guys _ever _get tired?

And, then GOD got involved. Chuck knew he was well and truly screwed if God was getting off on it.

He groaned, grabbing another bottle and laying on the couch as the sex scene began to materialize, Sam's sultry tone floating across miles into his head.

Fuck.

He giggled.

_Exactly._

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Dean wasn't into public displays of affection. Sure, he would walk with Sam to places, eat and talk, but God help him if he was gonna have sex in a public place. That only happened on the internet, right?

So, imagine his surprise when God himself told him heaven was watching. He's not really an exhibitionist. Except maybe he was.

At least Sam got off on it. Speaking of Sam...

"Dude." he said.

Sam looked at him. "What?"

Dean giggled a little. "All the angels know you take it up the ass!"

Sam turned a bright shade of pink, covering his head with his bangs.

"At least I don't have a bondage kin!"

Dean was serious suddenly. "We're not talking about it. It was one time!"

Sam smiled. "Wanna try again?"

"Hell yeah!"

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Chuck decided to call Becky. She always wanted to know what sex position the Winchesters had dreamed up, and seriously. If he was watching gay porn twenty four seven, he was entitled to girlfriends to share it with.

She immediately picked up the phone, even though it was about two in the morning.

"Chuck? Lemme guess. Something with a flag. Ooh! And ABBA!"

Chuck frowned, pinching the bridge of his nose. "Umm, no Becky. Ummm."

Becky was earnest. "What?"

"Ummm..." he sounded nervous, voice going high. "Uh, God kinda showed up?"

There was silence.

"Becky?"

Suddenly, a scream rang out.

"OH MY FREAKING CAS THE WINCHESTERS ARE HAVING A THREESOME WITH GOD! YES! YES! YES!"

Chuck was done. He hung up the phone and stumbled back to his couch. It seemed like that was all he could do these days.

God was not going to have a threesome with the Winchesters. He couldn't. Maybe?

Chuck didn't want to think about it.

Suddenly, his phone was ringing again.

He picked it up, grumbling. "Becky, they're not having a-"

It was his mother. His wonderful, drunk mother. Guess alcohol was hereditary, huh?

"Chuck, there's a man here in a suit and he wants to know if you can be a vessel for God?" She sounded really tipsy.

What. Seriously. Wasn't there a rock bottom? God?

Yeah. God.

"Mom, tell him to fuck himself."

He heard a quick mumble of voices, included what sounded like his mother telling the angel to go fuck himself with a cheese grater.

He's gotta love his mother sometimes.

She came back on the phone.

"He said something about God's will and the Winchester rifles and yada yada...Can I just give him twenty dollars?"

Chuck sighed. "No. You can't."

He made his decision. "Bye mom. I'd call you, but I'll probably be too busy."

"Oh," his mom said. "Mkay."

He hung up, walking to the middle of his first floor rug.

"HERE I AM YOU BASTARD. LET'S GO HAVE SEX. FINE. BUT REMEMBER THAT YOU STARTED THIS!"

Chuck had a plan. He always had a plan.

fin chapter thee


	4. Chapter 4

It's A Sin Update

Chuck gasped as a power enveloped him, swirling and pressing, and he could barely breathe as it was. He supposed God was supposed to make you breathless, and that was okay with him. Maybe if he died, he wouldn't have to endure the terrifying threesome that was happening soon.

God seemed to like his new body, rolling the shoulders and snapping Chuck's hobo clothes into nonexistence, going for a glaring white suit that was oddly familiar.

Teleporting them, God searched for the boys and found them in a motel just out of Wisconsin.

Knocking on the door, the small part of Chuck that was still (sadly) awake, thought of the irony of his being there. Though last time he was drunk.

He really wished he were drunk now.

Sam opened up the door, eyes widening a little.

"Chuck, why are you wearing a suit? Are you okay?"

Dean was behind him, only in a pair of boxers. "Was it Becky and her whole cosplay thing? She came by here a few hours ago in a beard….really weird shit man…" he trailed off as God made Chuck's eyes glow.

"Boys," God rumbled, Chuck's voice deepening under his hold. "It's God."

Sam and Dean backed off a little, hands searching for some sort of weapon. God smiled, stepping into the motel room.

"I'm not here to hurt you. I just wanna…how is it said? Get off?"

Dean looked furious. "Chuck. Stop pretending to be God. I already told Becky we weren't into that.

Sam didn't seem to agree. "Uh, Dean?"

Dean turned. "Yeah?"

Sam pointed at Dean's necklace hanging around his neck. It was glowing softly, and Chuck could feel it almost calling to God.

Dean saw it, turning white as his gaze drifted back to God.

"Ah," he said slowly. "How can we help you?"

God turned to him. "I want to participate in a threesome."

"Wow, way to be blunt." Said Dean nervously. "Uh, we're fine with that," he said, nodding at Sam. "But maybe you could have chosen someone other than Chuck?"

God frowned. "Is something wrong with my vessel?"

Dean looked panicked. "No! No. It's just…I don't think Chuck would appreciate the morning after. Ya know what I mean?"

God frowned again, and Chuck was worried his face was gonna get stuck that way. "Chuck was a willing vessel."

Sam's face lightened to disbelief. "You mean Chuck wanted to have a threesome with us?"

"Yes. Actually, he's awake right now."

"No way! We're having a FOURSOME!" said Dean, tension leaving the room. "We haven't done that in a few years!" Jesus. These boys. Sex sex and more sex.

He was doomed.

Sam looked pained. "Because you hate bottoming."

He suddenly looked up at God. "But I'm sure he'll do it for you!"

God, still silent, suddenly tilted Sam's chin to him, eyes looking into Sam's, and it was pretty creepy to Chuck. Sam looked obviously panicked. "Good." He finally said, not breaking eye contact.

Slowly, God lowered his face to Sam's, with Chuck's metaphorical heart beating faster each second.

Just as their lips were about to touch, Chuck burst forward with his plan.

God groaned and held his head as Chuck pushed all of his wincest memories into his mind, flooding God with the equivalent of a nuclear wincest bomb.

_Take that, God!_

_Oh, God. He did not just do that to God. _

"Gah!" God said, dropping to the floor.

Sam looked relieved, backing up and staring. Chuck managed to get his body back then, lifting his head as a light burned in his head, signifying God returning to heaven.

"Dude," Dean said as the silence went on. "This mean no threesome?"

Oh, Jesus.

A/N Please review! How should it keep going?


	5. Chapter 5

A/N Short, not so funny middle update. Forgive me. The funny stuff will be back soon, hoipefully.

"Holy shit." Sam said suddenly, a realization dawning on him. "We just mind fucked God. And all you can think about is sex?" he asked incredulously to Dean, who had the decency to look sheepish.

Silence filled the room as they all tried to come to terms with what just happened.

"Well, what do we do now?" Asked Chuck when nobody bothered to speak.

"Oh, hey Chuck!" Sam said, seeming to forget Chuck was in the room. "How's the head?"

Seriously? How did they think he felt?

"Fine, I'm fine." He said in a voice that totally didn't quiver. "No, just go on without me. I'm just gonna lay on the floor for a while."

Dean frowned at him. "Something wrong?"

Oh shit. Was something wrong? What did Dean think?

"You're fucking right something's wrong, asshat!" He yelled at Dean, dragging himself to his feet unsteadily. "I just got mind raped by God, AND had to fight him off with mental porn of YOU GUYS."

Chuck took a deep breath. "I am so scarred." He began to cry a little, tears falling into his scraggly beard.

"Becky's never gonna want me now." He mumbled tearfully, sitting down on the un-sexed bed.

Sam's voice reached him, trying to be nice. "Hey, it's okay, Chuck, I'm sure-"

Dean cut him off, voice incredulous. "You're still hung over on that chick?"

"Fuck off, Dean." He said, holding his head in his hands. "It's not like you've ever been alone. You have tons of incestuous sex all the time."

Dean seemed to consider this. "Yeah. Yeah, I do." He looked at Sam with a look that Chuck had begun to recognize very fast.

"Oh no. No no no no no no." he said quickly, head ache forgotten. "You're not having sex now. You are going to drive me home because I don't think I can walk. And you are going to stop looking at each other like that!"

Sam blushed a little, but Dean's proud smirk appeared. "Why Chuck, jealous? Not getting any from Becky?"

Sam whapped him in the arm. "Be nice. I could do a day without sex, anyway. The whole "God is watching and enjoying" thing kinda freaks me out."

Dean's face drained of color. "You're not serious?"

Sam smiled, and idea in his eyes. "I am. Just to see what happens."

Oh yeah. Chuck could get behind this. Except not literally.

"But….but…we….you…." Dean sputtered.

"I'm going to take Chuck home and apologize, because apparently it's our fault he's a mess. You're going to clean our room. Got it?" Said Sam forcefully.

Dean's eyes widened, pupils expanding. "That's hot. Are you sure you're-"

"Yes." Sam said, cutting him off quickly. "Just do it, Dean."

Chuck watched the exchange warily, ready to run out of the motel room if they decided to jump each other and start the free porn again.

Dean took a deep breath and moved to the other side of the room, far away from Sam.

"Alright. Gimme a call if you need anything."

Sam nodded. "Be back soon." He gestured to Chuck. "Cmon."

Chuck followed him out the door, dreading the chick flick moment Sam was bound to inflict on him in the car. God save him from the Winchesters.

No, not God. He was a meanie. Chuck was going to drag himself home and forget about anything and everything. Because that's what you did when your life was shit. That, and you drank.

"Saaaaaaaam!" came Dean's voice from the motel as they left.

"No Dean!" Sam yelled back, and if Chuck cried a little at the thought of not being subjected to watching the gay incestuous sex channel, he didn't show it.

Jeez, he was fucked up.

A/N Short update, I know, but RL is a no fun place to play in sometimes. J


	6. Chapter 6

A/N Another quick update! No forest animals were hurt in the process of making this chapter.

Chuck was watching Sam Winchester cry his way through another apology.

"I just want to make sure you're okay…" Sam warbled slightly, eyes large and misty as he tried to give Chuck the puppy eyes while navigate traffic simultaneously. Oddly enough, it was working.

Goddamn Winchesters.

"Because if you weren't, just know that I'm always here for-"

Chuck cut him off. "Shhhh."

Sam frowned, tear streaks shiny on his so-much-prettier-than-Chuck's-face. "What?"

Chuck doubted anyone had ever interrupted him mid-cry before.

"I get it." He said briskly. "But I just wanna go home. Please."

Sam frowned, but wiped his eyes and concentrated on the road.

Finally. Silence.

That is, until Chuck's phone rang.

"Do ya wanna get next to me? Do ya wanna get next to me?" His cell phone sang obnoxiously, causing him to grab is and press the buttons furiously, trying to shut off the blasted noise.

It was so his fault that he let Becky pick out his cell phone.

"Chuck?" Becky's voice squaked through the reciever. "Are you there?"

Chuck sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose. "Yeah, I'm fine, Becky."

Becky pretty much screamed back at him. "ARE YOU SURE?"

"Why wouldn't I be sure?" He asked tiredly.

"Because your mom called me a few minutes ago and told me something about you getting possessed by God..is it true?"

Chuck looked around aimlessly, trying to find a reason to hang up the phone.

Ooh! Idea!

"Oh my god, Sam! Look! We just hit a deer! Omigod we need to go see if it's okay! I'm sorry Becky I gotta go!"

Sam looked confused. "We're not even near a forest, Chuck."

Chuck shushed him. "I'm so sorry Becky, we gotta leave and help a forest animal!"

"Oh my god. Sam's there? SAMMMM!" Becky got cut off when Chuck closed the phone.

Sam looked at him then.

"Dude."

"Sam," he said. "Don't say anything.

He nodded.

"Right."

Is it too much to ask for another review? J Just kidding. Smiley faces!


	7. Chapter 7

Chuck was just getting out of the car when Becky pounced.

In all honesty, he should have seen it coming, seeing as he was a prophet.

And that Becky was pretty predictable.

Oh well. At least it wasn't him she pounced on.

"SAMMM!" She said, tackling the taller man like he weighed five pounds.

From the sound that Sam made, he wasn't all too happy to see her.

"Becky." He said. "I can't breathe."

She frowned, but got off him. "Oh, right."

He stood up slowly, cracking his back as Becky blushed when his t shirt rode up a little.

Jesus. These fangirls. He'd created a cult.

Chuck began to walk up the porch stairs, leaving Sam behind with the evil Becky of doom.

Sam gave him the "Please save me you terrible person why would you leave me here" look, but Chuck was too exhausted to care.

He spun around on his heel to stare at Sam, remembering he needed to lay down some guide rules.

"You will not have sex with Dean for the next week." He told Sam.

"If you do I will kill myself. And that will be on you, Mr. Touchy Feels Misty Eyes! YOU!"

He might have gone a little over board on the hissing, but hey. Sleep was important after you got possessed by God.

"Deal." Sam said, fending off Becky's wandering hands with a shot gun that randomly appeared.

"Touch my ass one more time, Becky…" He told her, eyes determined.

She had the sense to back off.

"Have a good week, Chuck." Sam said before he jumped in the car, tires squealing as Becky ran after the car.

"SAAAAMMM! YOU FORGOT ME! SAMMM!"

* * *

Chuck actually got a good three days of peace in. Believe it or not. He slept for most of the time, eating a little here, drinking a little there.

It wasn't until the night of the third day everything fell apart.

His phone rang shrilly, startling him awake. He clawed at the phone and flipped it open, groaning to himself.

"Chuck." Dean's "I'm totally not fucking with you voice"

"You need to let Sam and I have sex again."

Chuck groaned. "No, Dean. I deserve a week-"

Dean interrupted him, screaming. "I am going crazy! Do you know what people do in motel rooms? Have sex! Lots of it! And what have I been doing all week?"

Chuck didn't answer.

"What's that Chuck? Didn't hear you there. Oh yeah. I'm not having sex! Because you got this crazy idea into my brother's head that we should be celibate for a week!"

Chuck cowered into his pillow, but realized Dean couldn't hurt him over the phone.

"I deserve a week, Dean!" He repeated, closing the phone. It rang two seconds later.

"Just hire a hooker or something! Look at some gay porn or something! I'll even buy it for you!" He shouted into it.

Silence.

His mom's voice came over the line.

"Umm, no Chuck. This is your mom. But if that's your thing.." She trailed off.

"I guess I always knew you were gay?"

Chuck groaned. "Mom, I'm not-"

She laughed. "It's okay honey. I knew from the start. It's why you write gay love stories, right?"

Chuck blushed. "Mom, you looked at those?"

She giggled. "My favorite was the one with the tentacles, and the-"

Chuck slammed the phone shut before she could finish that thought.


End file.
